Thanksgiving Day - Mr. Guy's Thanksgiving Project

Last Sunday, a brief post on this blog introduced Mr. Guy's Thanksgiving Project, asking people to share any particular parts of their lives that bring special meaning, things they are thankful for.

Surprisingly, since Thanksgiving Day is an American holiday and Americans are generally thought of as religious people (at least in terms of public or "civic" religion, regardless of what they feel in their hearts or how they act), responses were muted in terms of any religious connection. Little religious perspective carried over into the comments people made about what they are grateful for (which in itself might be something to be grateful for, considering what comes from some of our more "religious" citizens!). The few people who mentioned "faith" simply mentioned it that way, as something to be thankful for. They did not elaborate.

Even without the religious connection, and with the full recognition that Thanksgiving started as a religious observance among early Christian believers in New England and Virginia, lovely themes are being played out on this most American of holidays. Generally, these themes fall into three categories: family, friends, and health. The last we don't need to speak much about. In a time when healthcare and the American government's role in supporting healthcare for citizens is much talked about, those people fortunate enough to be in good health, or under the care of a good healthcare team if they have health needs, are indeed very blessed, and it was good to hear that they are thankful for their good fortune.

Family is another matter. There are many platitudes about dealing with family "issues" during the holiday season which for many people begins with Thanksgiving, and colleagues (and even the media) are full of stories about the dissension that seems to come to a head in one's family at this time of year. In the long run, though (from my observance and from what people told me), all the stories and gossip seem to be just that. Most people, given the opportunity to have a family observance of Thanksgiving and the year-end season are grateful for that opportunity. Even for those of us separated from our families by great distances seem to make particular effort think of other family members at this time of year, even - when possible - calling or sending an e-mail to have some brief interaction. It's a sweet activity and one that happily puts the lie to all those so-called "horror stories" about family gatherings. They make for amusing (and sometimes not-so-amusing) sitcoms on television and in the movies, but they are not how most people spend Thanksgiving dealing with their families. Most folks are grateful for the love they share with their families and relatives.

Which brings us to friends, a topic that could be the subject of a post all by itself. Here we have a clear statement of what being thankful is all about, and this is an easy matter to discuss. Apparently most of us are very aware of the role of friends in our lives, and even people who don't spend a lot of time thinking about gratitude and thankfulness as part of their daily lives move specifically in this direction when asked to describe what they are grateful for. Certainly for most people, we long ago learned that we cannot function alone, and even the most private of people seem to have some need for connecting with others, whether in the workplace or in their personal lives (look at the popularity and on-going utilization of mobile phones for an example - if you live in a metropolitan area as I do, you are very aware that most of those conversations are visits, and people are having a good time with those visits, even if they are not face-to-face).

For me, it's the connection with friends that provides the true link to Thanksgiving, and this year, particularly, it's a great joy for me to think about what's gone on in my life over the past year and reflect on my friends and how important they are to me. It hardly needs saying that living in a distant land for a year strengthens the role of friendship in one's life, and I'm very, very grateful to my American and international colleagues for being so "close" while I have been so far away. Personal friends, professional colleagues, even some people I never realized were particularly interested in my life or what I do have all kept up their connection with me (thank goodness for Skype, the posts of fellow bloggers, and especially e-mail). I have been truly blessed while I've been in Kenya.

And while it is probably not fair to single out individuals, the other three of what has become known as "The Great Four" of my African friends and colleagues and the other people I've met in Africa really need to be mentioned. It is not possible for me to identify and list all the many people I met in Nairobi and other parts of Kenya (after all, my work there required me to meet and interview what must have been a couple of hundred people!). Nevertheless, I am grateful and so blessed to have established a relationship with these three wonderful people. I wrote about Nerisa and Charles and Geoffrey in a post early in the month, so I won't embarrass them by going into a lot of detail here, but it is a special pleasure to submit this word of gratitude to them. And to the other colleagues and friends I've met in Africa, both professional friends in my work at UN-Habitat (especially Hellen Nyabera, Joseph Gichuki, Isaack Waruru, and Daniel Mukangura) and in my volunteer work at the Information Africa Organization, I send my gratitude.

So for my many personal friends, acquaintances, and colleagues with whom I've had the pleasure to interact during the past year (indeed, throughout my life), I am very, very thankful. If Mr. Guy's personal Thanksgiving Project had been a competition, it's obvious to me that although family, health, and even faith are important as we count our blessings, it's our connection with our friends that wins hands down. I'm very grateful to each and every one of them for including me in their lives, and my life is richer because of them.

Families, Weddings, and the Pleasures of Being Together

Families and the interactions within families have long been fascinating to me. Human relationships are so varied and so full of all those "ups-and-downs" we hear about in all the sermons, and yet as we go through life, we find the connections of family - whether genetically connected or not - bring us much pleasure and give us much to be thankful for.

Such ruminations are appropriate, I suppose, for someone who has traveled far - even building the visit into a work contract six months in advance - to participate in what can only be called a "family" event. In this case, the "family" is a marvelously extended family, going back some thirty or more years and bringing together people who - while not blood-related - think of themselves as very close, and think of each other often.

James Lafferty (above) and Guy St. Clair have known one another since James was about 11 months old. Our families were close, and over the years the bond between James and Guy has continued to flourish, as well as that between Guy and James's sister (Helen Lafferty Knudson) and with James's mother, Dellie Flanagan Johnson (shown here with James's son Julian leading the wedding procession). We've now been one big "family" for a long time, and we've delighted in the relationship, very comfortable with it. It's right up there alongside those other "families" we have, Guy with his sons and siblings and several family-like relationships with other groups, and James with his, and all stretching out over many years. 

So of course when James is getting married, his friend Guy is going to be at the wedding. And mightily honored to be asked to be part of the wedding, to do one of the readings. Could James and Anne have selected more beautiful readings than these two passages from Le Grande Meaulnes by Alain Fournier:

"Now and then my foot encounters a patch of fine sand. And in the silence I hear a bird – I imagine it to be a nightingale, but how can it be if they only sing at night? – a bird which repeats the same phrase over and over: the voice of the morning, a greeting  that comes down through the leaves, a charming invitation to roam through the alders. Invisible, persistent, it accompanies me on my promenade under a roof of foliage."       and 

"For the first time I too am on the path of adventure. For once it is not for shells left stranded by the tide that I am prospecting, with Monsieur Seurel close at hand, nor for specimens of orchis unknown to the schoolmaster; nor even, as so often in old Martin's field, for the deep but dried up spring protected by a grating and so overgrown with weeds that on each visit it took longer to find... I am looking for something still more mysterious: for the path you read about in books, the old lane choked with undergrowth whose entrance the weary prince could not discover. You'll only come upon it at some lost moment in the morning when you've long since forgotten that it will soon be eleven or twelve... Then, as you are awkwardly brushing aside a tangle of branches, your arms at the same time trying to protect your face, you suddenly catch a glimpse of a dark tunnel of green at the far end of which there is a tiny aperture of light."

So it was a wonderful occasion, this journey that Andrew and I made from New York to Santa Cruz in March (additional photos are captured here). As I mentioned, because of this important family event I had been able to negotiate time away from the current project in Nairobi, although I did combine the travel with project work in Brussels, Geneva, New York, and - following the California visit - Rio de Janeiro.

We had fun getting to know Anne Hopkins - James's beautiful bride better than we had known her before. We had met on several occasions and we knew and loved Anne long before the wedding, but to be with her and her family on this important occasion was a splendid treat for Andrew and me. And true to form, the lovely, funny vivacious woman was so composed that she was even able (as shown here) to maintain her composure as Mr. Guy read. I wonder if I would have been so composed and comfortable in her situation!

The reception pleased us all. The music, the food, the dancing, the toasts, all prepared with great attention and great specificity to this particular occasion and this special couple. And Anne and James themselves did their part, and the results were so evident of much special thought and careful planning. Far too many special touches to try to list but those of us who cherish and delight in our books cannot resist recording our pleasure at the selections of books arranged amongst the table decorations. Every table had two or three wonderful titles, each of which - with books ranging from the Harvard Classics to children's books that had been Anne's and James's favorites - had special meaning for Anne and James and for many of the guests.

And what a great party it was! As Andrew and I had come to know Anne's children as well as James's Julian, we enjoyed being the "older guys" with the young ones and, yes, there was plenty of romping about and laughing and chasing one another. We even achieved considerable success (as I had done with Charles's son in Kenya) in giving the boys full rein with the camera and they found themselves continually entertained both in the hotel where all the guests were staying and at the reception.

And the "family" theme? No question about it, weddings are a splendid opportunity to become a big, loving family, even for people who are not related by blood. Some would perhaps call it simply "friendship" or "bonding" or "sharing" but I think there's more to it than that, something that perhaps I cannot even articulate as clearly as I want to. As Andrew and I got to know many of the many people who had come together for Anne and James, it became clear that we were, indeed, one big family. We were all loving the many conversations, interactions, joking, story-telling, and even professional networking (yes, some of us even exchanged contact information, since it seemed an appropriate thing to do as we shared stories about working and living in different parts of the world).  Memories were evoked - happy, sad, life-changing, and even (sometimes) silly memories, all heightening our pleasure and our delight in Anne and James and the fact that they had found one another.

We are so grateful to James and Anne for bringing us all together and into their lives for this special time. Happy memories that will be with us forever.